


one more time (gotta start all over)

by blue_slate



Category: The Last of Us
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, soft angst hours folks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-08
Updated: 2020-07-08
Packaged: 2021-03-04 23:55:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,963
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25155067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blue_slate/pseuds/blue_slate
Summary: as abby reads on the porch, ellie comes to play the guitar. some frustration leads to revelation.
Relationships: Abby/Ellie (The Last of Us)
Comments: 8
Kudos: 106





	one more time (gotta start all over)

**Author's Note:**

> beta'd by my friend kyra!! enjoy heathens!!

Sitting on the porch and reading is about one of the more comforting things that Abby can do at the farm. Overlooking the valley and mountains from her spot, Abby can immerse herself in the book in her hands and not think of anything else. The noises of their many farm animals is companion to the peaceful silence, and oftentimes, Abby will see Lev out of the corner of her eye talking to the sheep. 

Abby smiles to herself, looking up from the worn yellow pages of her book to the slowing setting sun that sets the world alight in a haze of orange. The breeze tickles at her cheeks, and Abby swats at a fly buzzing near her ear. As she rocks herself back and forth on the rocking chair she made by hand, Abby thinks about how at peace she feels. 

Every single drop of bitterness towards the past is gone— along with all the toxic thoughts that drove her to the edge of mania. 

Abby is glad that all of that is in the past, now. It can’t hurt her anymore. 

“Hey, Abby.” Ellie comes from the front door, the neck of her guitar held tightly in one hand, and a glass of water in the other. “Thought you could use something to drink.” 

“Thanks, El,” Abby says, accepting the glass before tilting her head back to kiss Ellie sweetly. A smile drifts to Abby’s face when Ellie pulls away and sits down on the bench next to the rocking chair, resting the guitar on her lap. Abby sips at the fresh water. 

“Mind if I practice out here with you?” Ellie asks, a wisp of her hair falling free from the tiny bun on the back of her head. 

Abby reaches out with her hand, cupping Ellie’s jaw softly. “Baby, you can always practice out here with me.” 

And if it was at all possible, Abby falls more in love with Ellie, her heart filling with joy when Ellie leans into her touch as if it is the most natural thing to do. Ellie grins, turning her head to peck Abby’s wrist before shifting the guitar in her lap. 

Abby takes another sip of her water before putting it down and going back to reading. In this day and age, Abby takes comfort in the smallest of things. The book in her hands, a thick tome detailing the adventure of an assassin turned queen seeking to save the world (like every other fantasy story), is something that Abby finds comfort in. Years ago, she couldn’t possibly imagine feeling the serenity she’s feeling right now. 

Out of the corner of her eye, Lev takes his bow and sprints off into the forest edge. She doesn’t question it, but does shout “be safe!” behind him. Lev can handle himself— he’s a grown man at this point. 

Beside her, Ellie begins strumming some chords to a song that Joel must’ve taught her. Her eyebrows are pinched in focus, her gaze switching from her strumming hand to the hand holding down the strings. Ever since Santa Barbara (Abby shudders), Ellie’s been relearning to play the guitar again. It’s a slow and tedious process, but Abby takes delight in hearing Ellie play, even if she does mess up a chord from time to time. 

To be fairly honest, Abby could listen to Ellie play for hours on end if she could. She won’t ever tell Ellie, but Abby much prefers hearing Ellie’s voice over the scratchy and old records that they have in the living room. Those records might be fun every once in a while, but Abby could drown herself in Ellie’s soft voice. 

She shifts the book, turning a page. The queen reunited with her mate. How interesting. 

Ellie, on every adventure she takes, comes back with a few books. Whether it be from bookstores, like the one in Seattle (where she also got the transgender pride flag for Lev) or from libraries, Ellie totes those books like they’re made of glass. Abby has read more here than she ever has in her life, and they’ve had to store a few boxes of books in the attic or take them down to Jackson because of how many they have. 

Abby doesn’t mind the occasional trip to Jackson, but the people there are still wary of her and Lev. Dina isn’t, thankfully, but mostly everyone else is. Don’t even get her  _ started _ about the target Tommy painted on her back. 

But through it all, Abby has her family, and isn’t that all that matters?

She flips a page. 

Ellie’s voice is a soft cadence that Abby loves listening to, and though it distracts her from her book, she couldn’t care less. 

_ If I ever were to lose you _

_ I'd surely lose myself _

_ Everything I have found here _

_ I've not found by myself _

_ Try and sometimes you'll succeed _

_ To make this man of me _

_ All of my stolen missing parts _

_ I've no need for anymore _

Where Ellie’s voice sounds like the angels above, her chords are a bit wonky. Abby frowns at it— it was she who caused that, after all, through rage and pain. 

Abby’s attention is snapped from her thoughts from a loud  _ TWANG _ to her left of the chords stopping, and Abby looks over. 

“Fuck,” Ellie whispers, shifting the guitar on her lap. Abby stays quiet, but she bookmarks her page and puts the book to the side. Ellie’s knee is bouncing, but it stops after she takes a centering breath. “Okay, you got this.” 

The whispered words of self-encouragement make Abby smile. By any other means, she’d be encouraging Ellie too, but when it comes to something like this, Abby takes the metaphorical backseat. If Ellie is pushing through something tough, then she’ll snap if Abby tries to help her. So, simply put, Abby doesn’t. 

Ellie starts singing again, the veins on her hands bulging with effort as the pads of her fingers hold down on the strings to get the right chords. The stumps of her fingers on her left hand look inflamed, but Abby knows better than to say anything about it. Ellie would stop if it hurt too much, surely?

_ I believe _

_ And I believe 'cause I can see _

_ Our future days _

_ Days of you and me _

Ellie’s voice is quivering, barely heard along the messed up chords. She stops, and then there’s a shaky inhale of breath that immediately signals Abby that there’s  _ definitely _ something wrong with her girlfriend. 

She reaches over, putting her hand on Ellie’s knee. “Hey, talk to me?” 

Ellie’s hand grips the neck of the guitar so tightly that Abby thinks it might break, so she does the only logical thing. Gently, she pries it out of Ellie’s hands and puts it on the railing of the porch, before kneeling in front of her. Abby folds her hands on top of Ellie’s, and presses her forehead to Ellie’s chest. 

“I don’t know what you’re feeling, or what you’re going through, but I am here for you,” Abby says softly, then pulls away to kiss Ellie’s knuckles gently, one by one. She lays a long kiss to Ellie’s left palm, then kisses all the way down her wrist to her elbow. 

Finally, Ellie looks up, her eyes shimmering with unbidden tears. “I can’t  _ fucking _ do it anymore, Abs.” 

“Do what?” Abby cocks her head to the side, but she has a strong gut feeling that she already knows the answer. 

“The guita—” Ellie chokes up, and she presses her hands to her face, Abby’s hands still holding on tightly to hers. Abby frowns, and shifts closer. 

“Baby, listen,” Abby says as she pulls Ellie’s hands away so they’re looking at each other. “I understand that it’s frustrating beyond anything you know, but you will get better. Fuck, El, you’re already better than I am. I have no musical bone in my body, and you know that.” 

Ellie is quiet, her brows knitted together in thought, and Abby drops their conjoined hands to hold Ellie’s face in her palms. 

“You are one of the strongest, most badass women I know, and I am so, so lucky to be with you, especially after all the bullshit and pain we went through,” Abby says softly, stroking her thumbs beneath Ellie’s eye and wiping away the few tears that have escaped. Ellie breathes shakily, her hands gripping Abby’s strong wrists. “Relearning the guitar with your other hand just makes you so much cooler, and so much more amazing and talented.” 

Even Abby begins to well up with tears, a tiny laugh escaping her throat. “Like, fuck, Ellie. I wake up every single day feeling beyond blessed that I get to wake up next to  _ you _ .” 

“I’m luckier,” Ellie whispers, and Abby grins. 

“You’re amazing. Don’t let a guitar push you down, alright?” Abby leans forward, kissing Ellie long and sweet, until the redhead gets the point. “Okay?” 

“Okay.” Ellie nods, and Abby kisses her again, just because she can. Abby stands up and grabs the guitar, and sits down beside Ellie, who raises her brow. “What are you doing?” 

“Maybe I can catch up,” Abby says,a teasing smile on her lips. “Teach me?” 

Ellie looks at her, before laughing and shaking her head. “Okay, loser. Put your fingers here and here.” Ellie adjusts Abby’s fingers on the strings and frets of the guitar. “Now, strum.” 

Abby does, which makes Ellie grin. 

“That was a c major, one of the beginner chords,” Ellie says. “Here, and I’ll teach you another one.”

It’s a slow process, with laughter because Abby’s fingers are nowhere near as nimble and skinny as Ellie’s are. Which, as Abby begins to fumble (on purpose), Ellie just takes the guitar away. 

“You’re not doing it right, babe,” Ellie says, settling the guitar on her lap. 

“Oh yeah? Then show me,” Abby retorts. Her plan worked. She rests her head on her fist, watching with adoration as Ellie begins strumming, playing the chords to  _ Future Days _ easily. It comes like second nature to her, and the chords sound so perfectly crisp that when Ellie starts singing, Abby is blown away. 

Yeah, Abby is in love with this woman. Wholeheartedly, and without a shred of doubt. 

When Ellie finishes singing her verse, she looks at the guitar with some shock in her eyes. Then, with disbelief, she turns to Abby, “Did you annoy me on purpose to make me do that?” 

“Maybe,” Abby says, with an added wink. She reaches over, tucking a loose strand of hair behind Ellie’s ear. “But it was all you, baby. You did that on your own.” 

Ellie smiles, then leans forward. Abby grins into the kiss, raising her hand and resting it on Ellie’s chin to keep her there. 

In whispers, Ellie says, “I love you.” 

“I love you too,” Abby says, and kisses Ellie one last time for good measure. 

It’s then that Lev, appearing from his recent foray into the forest, comes up the steps of the porch. There’s blood smeared on his face, and Abby looks at him. 

“Kid, you good?” She asks, gesturing to her face. Lev reaches up and swipes his finger against his cheek, before shrugging. 

“I got into a fight with a boar and won,” Lev says, then goes inside. Abby purses her lips, before turning to Ellie. Ellie shrugs as well, looking just as confused as Abby feels. 

Abby chuckles, then grabs Ellie’s hand. “Let’s head inside. Lev might burn down the kitchen if he tries anything.” 

“Will you make your roast boar like you always do?” Ellie asks, eyes shimmering with hope. To think, that only ten minutes ago, she was in near tears. 

Abby grins. “Of course, baby. Let’s go.” 

  
  



End file.
